Hmm. I almost feel that this would do better as poetic prose. Maybe it's just me, but I don't agree with the format. I just think that

"I kissed her. Instant responce. Well what did I expect? Closer and closer we'd drifted all night. It was the next logical step. Eyes closed. Don't think, feel; senses open, free yourself. A playful lick? Mouth open, an exploration of pure bliss. Endorphins bloom. I wanted to know her, every part of her. What makes her shiver? Gulp? Groan? Laugh? Sigh? Kiss?

I wanted her to know me; discovering each other side by side: knee, ear, back, hair, neck, nose... All of me, all of her; she and I...

Us?"

might make it flow more easily. Yes, it's almost heresy to critique an "exploration of the heart", as it were, but you've done a dangerous thing. You've selected the "advanced critique encouraged" option and, well, this is the internet. Total novices can now give their professional opinions. Scary, isn't it?

I see what you mean. I tweaked it a bit and I think it flows a bit better now. Thanks for the critique.

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